The Gift of Listening
by: Lynn Cutts
Give something different this Valentine's Day instead of chocolate or flowers. (Save the chocolate for me.) Give something precious and unique, something that only you can give. Something suitable for all ages and all relationships. Give the gift of listening. Really listening.
How often do we sit down and listen to our loved ones? The vast majority of our conversations with others occur while we are doing something else. We're driving, or cooking dinner or tidying up. We're watching TV or listening to both kids and the dog. We're preoccupied with our own thoughts. Or we just tune the conversation completely out. Our mental processes go like this:
Hmm, I like that song on the radio. I wonder who does it? I wish he'd get rid of that shirt. It's a bad color for him. Oh, dang, I just broke a nail. I wonder what I should fix for dinner? Is he still talking about the car? Yup. Why doesn't he just get it fixed? I don't get what's the big deal here.
Of course, sometimes we do sit down and pay attention, or so we think. While we are focused on the conversation, it's usually with the goal of coming up with the next clever thing to say, or a killer argument to the point being made.
What does it mean to really listen? It means paying attention to what the other person is saying, without being distracted by outside events, our thoughts, or planning what to say next. It brings improved connection, communication and understanding to any relationship.
It tells the other person that they matter; that you care enough about them to make them a priority, a focus. It lets them know that they are more important to you than washing dishes or fixing supper. Now that?s a real gift.
Like everything else in life, listening is a skill. It takes practice. Here are a few guidelines that might help:
- Find a quiet place where the two of you can sit down together, with no distractions. It doesn't have to be at home. My husband and I often go down to a pub and grab a quiet table in the back when we want to just sit and talk.
- Get really curious about what the other person is saying. Ask open-ended questions, such as "What else?" "Tell me more about that." "How does this matter to you?" Be careful not to ask questions that sound judgmental, though, such as "Why on earth would you do that?" or "What were you thinking?".
- Set up a ground rule that nobody gets to be wrong. Don't judge the other person. Just accept for now.
- By the same token, don't try to fix things, or solve problems, unless you're asked to. Often all someone needs is a place to talk things out so they can discover their own solutions. Give the other person the respect of believing that they are resourceful and able to resolve things on their own.
- Don't interrupt. Wait until the other person is finished talking before you jump in. Let there be natural gaps in the conversation. You don't need to fill every second with talk.
- Maintain eye contact, but don't stare.
- Be encouraging. Let the other person know you're really listening. Repeat key words, say "uh-huh", nod in agreement.
- Acknowledge the other person's feelings and point of view.
Try phrases such as "What I?m hearing is . . ." or "I?m getting that . . ." This also helps to eliminate misunderstandings. - Finally, pay attention to body language and energy. Sit with an open, receptive posture.
Angle your body slightly towards the other person, or lean in a bit. Do not cross your arms across your chest defensively. In addition, notice how the other person is sitting. Be aware of the cadence of their words and the energy behind them.
Following those nine guidelines will drastically improve your listening skills. Which will drastically improve communication. Which will drastically improve your relationships. And that's a Valentine's gift that will keep on giving - both to the other person and to you.
About The Author
Chocolate-loving Life Coach Lynn Cutts? mission is to change the world for the better, one person at a time. At www.ManageYourMuse.com, she shares free tips, articles, games and newsletters to help you realize your dreams. Lynn offers one-on-one coaching, group coaching and self-guided programs to help you create your own boundless life. Lynn is certified by the Coaches Training Institute, and is a member of the International Coaches Federation. NOTE: You are welcome to use this article online in electronic newsletters and e-zines as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info). If use of this article is desired in print, you must first contact Lynn Cutts at Lynn@ManageYourMuse.com.
Copyright 2005 Lynn Cutts
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Sweet Gourmet: Baking Chocolate Guide
Sweet Gourmet: Baking Chocolate Guide
by: Donna Monday
Several types of chocolate may be used when baking cookies, pies, cakes, bars, and other sweet treats. The amount of cocoa butter and sugar can affect the texture and taste of chocolate?from bitter to very sweet. Below is a quick guide to the most popular kinds of chocolate used in baked goods.
=> UNSWEETENED CHOCOLATE ? Unsweetened chocolate contains nothing but pure chocolate and cocoa butter. There?s no sugar added. This chocolate is dark in color and has a strong flavor.
=> UNSWEETENED COCOA POWDER ? Unsweetened cocoa powder is pure chocolate that?s had a majority of the cocoa butter removed.
=> SEMISWEET AND BITTERSWEET CHOCOLATE ? Semisweet and Bittersweet chocolate contains at least 35% pure chocolate. Cocoa butter and sugar have been added. This type of chocolate is often used in cookies and can be used interchangeably.
=> MILK CHOCOLATE ? Milk chocolate contains...
Sweet Gourmet: Baking Chocolate Guide
Chocolate > Sweet Gourmet: Baking Chocolate Guide
The Gift of Listening
The Gift of Listening
by: Lynn Cutts
Give something different this Valentine's Day instead of chocolate or flowers. (Save the chocolate for me.) Give something precious and unique, something that only you can give. Something suitable for all ages and all relationships. Give the gift of listening. Really listening.
How often do we sit down and listen to our loved ones? The vast majority of our conversations with others occur while we are doing something else. We're driving, or cooking dinner or tidying up. We're watching TV or listening to both kids and the dog. We're preoccupied with our own thoughts. Or we just tune the conversation completely out. Our mental processes go like this:
Hmm, I like that song on the radio. I wonder who does it? I wish he'd get rid of that shirt. It's a bad color for him. Oh, dang, I just broke a nail. I wonder what I should fix for dinner? Is he still talking about the car? Yup. Why doesn't he just get it...
The Gift of Listening
Chocolate > The Gift of Listening
Delicious Vintage Chocolate Recipes For All Seasons
Delicious Vintage Chocolate Recipes For All Seasons
by: Victor Carlton
Whether it?s a party, a quiet day in the house or just cruising downtown with friends, there?s always an occasion (or excuse) to gratuitously munch on chocolate.
Everyone loves chocolates, especially the types made from those secret vintage recipes. Listed below are a few of such.
CHOCOLATE JELLY WITH CRYSTALLIZED GREEN GAGES
Dissolve in a quart of water three tablespoonfuls of grated chocolate and let it come to a boil. Simmer for about ten minutes. Add a cup of sugar and a box of gelatin (that has been softened in a cup of water) and strain through a jelly bag or two thicknesses of cheese-cloth. When almost cold, add a dessertspoonful of vanilla and a tablespoonful of brandy. Then whisk well, add half a pound of crystallized green gages cut into small pieces and pour into a pretty mould. When cold serve with whipped cream.
CHOCOLATE MARBLE CAKE
Put...
Delicious Vintage Chocolate Recipes For All Seasons
Chocolate > Delicious Vintage Chocolate Recipes For All Seasons
How to make great Chocolate Gourmet Caramel Apples
How to make great Chocolate Gourmet Caramel Apples
by: Janice Dunbar
Do you want to make yummy chocolate caramel apples, but don't know where to start.
Well, its quite simple.
Simply start with the following:
Granny Smith apples
2 Large bag of Kraft caramel squares
Popsicle sticks
2 Bag of Milk Chocolate Candy Melts from Michael's Craft store
Nuts
Wash apples thoroughly and add sticks.
Melt caramel squares in microwave.
Dip apples in caramel and let dry for 15 minutes. Add nuts to apples (optional.) Then melt chocolate and pour into plastic pastry bag. Add twist tie to top of pastry bag and snip tiny
hole at the end of the bag. Strip apples with chocolate and let set for 30 minutes to dry.
About The Author
Janice Dunbar I have own... |
Chocolate > How to make great Chocolate Gourmet Caramel Apples
The Gift of Listening tires Chocolate
Cheap Insurance - Ten Tips
Cheap Insurance - Ten Tips
by: Steve Gillman
Cheap insurance? Auto insurance, life insurance, health insurance, liability insurance - whatever type of insurance you need, you can buy it for less. Try the following:
1. Raise you deductible. Why have a $100 deductible if a $1000 deductible won't break you? It may hurt to pay the first thousand someday, but what if meanwhile you saved several thousand? High deductibles mean lower rates. Of course, get quotes...
cheap airfare
Chocolate > Cheap Insurance - Ten Tips
mortgage The Gift of Listening Chocolate